WHY AM I SO...
i dunno. i dunno what word can finish that sentence. gawd. naiinis ako. naiiyak ako. sobra. sobra. parang ang NR ko lang madalas pero shet. ahhhh!! ang daming thoughts ang nag- flofloat sa head ko!! in a minute, in a short while, ang dami dami at ang lalalim na ng iniisip ko!! anyways, kaya ako naiinis kasi bakit ba kasi ang tanga tanga ko!? no, bakit ba ako shy? yes, people.. shy ako. haha. no, sa kanya lang yata ako shy. pucha. sa kanya pa talaga. out of all these people. eh siya nga yung gusto kong makilala. well, kilala ko siya.. kilala niya ako.. pero, it's not enough!!! %#*$*($&*^$$%!!!!!! haaaaaay nako!!! paalis na yung fourth year and my chances on gaining more friends (NA MAINLY SI ANO) are getting smaller and smaller everyday! &%$*$$^!!! why can't i just come up to ____ and talk to ____??? oh yeah, i've got an answer! kasi pag all girls school and you want to talk to someone you're not close to or if that person is not your batchmate, chances are.. iisipin crush mo yung taong yun. well, SCREW THAT! heller!!! AAAARGHHHHHH!!! pucha naman. i mean eto.. i just want to share this to you... okay, one day, i was asked to go to the computer room while a class of fourth year students were having their computer class (hindi ba obvious??).. (long story kung bakit ako nandon) and then while i was running through my files, the person seated next to me (on my right and shit, i f*cking forgot her name!!!!!) said hi, asked me my name.. we shook our hands.. i gained a friend. (ANO PANGALAN NIYA?!??!) not only that, the person on my left... ( i hated her so much before even if i don't know her.. i know her by name and i'll give you a clue.. ano tagalog ng clap? o basta un..) basta, she was making, i think a program or whatever the fourth years do during their computer class and she asked me my opinion. asked my name. my section and we just chit chatted for a while. nagbago tingin ko sa kanya. di pala siya yung taong epal sa buhay. haha. really, nasa mind ko na ganon siya long before.. haha. and now, kilala ko na siya and i was wrong. she's nice pala. i gained a friend. the other day naman, i saw the fourth year na naka- limutan ko yung name. no wait, she saw me. she was the first one to say hi and ang sarap nung feeling na alam niya name ko and at the same time nakaka- guilty kasi i forgot her name... so then i waved back and said hi. (medyo aggressive kind of hi pa nga e.. haha!) i mean, for me, it's really a joy to gain new friends!!!! PERO BAKIT SIYA HINDI KO MAGANON??! BASTA BASTA BASTA. haaaaay, lam mo yung feeling na may tao kang gustong makilala more? i mean, friends kind of more?! ewan, i don't think so, what are the odds na ganun din na- feefeel niyo? anyways, ang drama ko and only one person can understand this feeling. pero nagagalit talaga ako sa sarili ko. ang daming ways na pwedeng mag- come up sa mga tao and just chat them all the way... ako pa?! eh (let's use the term kahit na nang- chechenes..!) ang boka- boka ko. (lintek no? boka ampota. eh yaya ko e! haha). yeah, i think i am. i can easily strike up a conversation. (kaya nga nagagalit sila mommy kasi hanggang umaga nasa telepono pa rin ako!) one time, i was buying a magazine and i saw this woman with a clipboard on her hand and she was checking her list. i got near her and asked her "are you the owner of this store?" she answered, "yes. (with a smile) and asked me why." i said "oh nothing, it's just that mr. filbar is our neighbor at my village... and more more more....." see?! that woman is in her late thirties na siguro and yet kaya kong pa makipag- communicate and hello, stranger siya. when was the time na i gained new friends!? oooh, lsgh prom! di naman ganun karami pero basta!! lalo na kasi they're friends from other girl schools and wala lang, we're a lot like them pala talaga. chaka in that way, nawawala yung parang boundary ng mga all girl schools sa isa't isa. super i'll make a way to gain more and to gain _____ as a friend. <--see that?! di ko man lang ma- type ung name niya or kung him o her or he o she ba siya. well, i left clues na rin. pero duh, you don't have to know who that person is... kaya ko gusto siya makilala because ang galing niya! sobrang galing niya! napaka- galing niya! pero i'm having second thoughts din.. what if yes, friend ko na siya and i wasn't expecting _____ to be like that? what if what i'm expecting right now is something i thought was ____ but in reality, it's not. sorry.. anlabo ko. pero no. i don't think so. ewan. di ko maintindihan. ^%$&$&!! naman kasi. basta i'll find a way. sana magawa ko. i really hope so.. what if ____ feels the same way din? i see ____ often sobra and sometimes i pretend ____ not there or hindi ko siya nakita. or sometimes, i'll find a way to gain ____ attention pero i don't know if i do. anyways.. labo. haaaaay. shucks. i will find my way, i can go the distance. hahaha. gosh, we have a P.A. rehearsal tomorrow. i'm really looking forward to it. i'm so excited. okay, i don't need to explain why pero basta. to that, i'll think of a way. basta.
as i'm making this blog entry, napansin ko yung link. as in yung link na pag- kinlick mo yung title eklat. if only kaya ko siya i- link. haaaaay. nakaka- inis. vwisette. i'm sooo helpless.
F.Y.I. _____ name is listed on the tumbler jill gave me. ____ name is printed in bold and on that list of people (my friends..) the ones printed in bold are the ones close to me. sadly, _____ not, but then again i typed it that way. haaaaay. how i wish someone would do this to me too. haha. weird. the tumbler story is on my blog entry last january.. haha. :D